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8/11/06

How much of your personality is tied to your weight?


A quandry for those of us who are formerly morbidly obese (I hate that term..):

How much of you was your size? Meaning, how authentic were you as a larger person as opposed to now?

As a larger woman, I would have argued you to death about how truthful and authentic I was at that size. And I would have meant it. But looking back from this perspective, I realized how inauthentic I was being. The "going along to get along"/disease-to-please was running rampant in me then. It's like my whole demeanor gave off this, "you-matter-more-than-I-do" vibe! I did feel that way, I hate to admit. I gave off this "I'm sorry, I know I am fat..." vibe.. which is excruciating to even type!

I was and am a strong person who has an outgoing personality, but alot of my authentic self was hidden, as if I didn't "deserve" to show that to the world.

Now, I am NOT saying all overweight folks feel this way. I can only speak for myself. My weight kept me hidden, it kept the "real" me hidden...I know know that I am standing up for myself more, I ask more from myself and others. I have this unyeilding sense that life is finite, and I am 43 so I better get going and have a life!

I wonder if those around me see me as "changed" on the inside too? I have a feeling that some folks won't like the newly confident woman, who does'nt "go with the flow" all the time. This is all so new, so an adjustment period is in order for me and those who know me.

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