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A Warrior's Work: Never Look Away

I have not posted here in a very long time. There are many reasons, but one of them is what I want to discuss today.
It pains me to write this: I have gained weight. My first real gain since surgery. Not the up one pound down one pound kind of thing. A real live weight gain. I am up 11 pounds from my lowest weight. To say I am freaking out is to put in mildly.
I was chatting online with my dear sweet sister in law, Susy who also had the surgery. And she said, "we can never look away. That's what got us to where we were in the first place." Never look away. Hmmmm. That's exactly what I did. I stopped weighing myself for at least a month. And when I saw a few pounds creep up I did not take care of it. Then I looked away again.. and BOOM! 11 pounds!
I have been under enormous business and financial stress of late, and have dipped back into my old habits of eating junk. Not only am I eating it, but I am tolerating it better. NOT GOOD!! That is not what a gastric bypass patient should do. At the same time, I stopped working out with my trainer. I could not afford to spend that kind of money any more and swore I would do it on my own. I did not. So, I stopped running, stopped working out hard three days a week, started stress eating junk-- and here I am. With tears in my eyes, struggling to get back on track and get my head around this slip-up. My clothes are tight and some don't fit. That makes me CRAZY upset.

So, I started running again this week. Just a couple of miles... but I did it. And I started cooking my meals at home more.. (something I hardly EVER do) and working on taking care of the financial stress.

I can never look away again. Not for that LONG!
So for those of you who fear gaining weight after surgery. I am here to say not only CAN it happen, but it can happen easily if you "look away" for too long. I am giving myself a four pound buffer zone in the future. If I go on vacation and gain 3-4 pounds, then I take it off right away. I do not wait for it to be come 11 or 12 or 25 or 50!

I had been quietly fearing that my pouch has become stretched out and that my "tool" no longer worked. I did some research online and found a wonderful resource. It's called Living After WLS and it is run by Kay Bailey. She has a plan called the 5 Day Pouch Test. It's like the way we ate when we first got the surgery. It supposedly gets you off the junk food carbs and back onto a more protein-full diet. And in the meantime, your pouch shrinks back to a more post surgery size. Hunger is abated again and sometimes weight loss occurs. Make no mistake this is not a diet. Its a test to see if your surgical tool is still in order. I just may try this. One of the great places on this site is The Neighborhood a bulletin board of other WLS patients. Really great resource. I recommend it.

So, I am in a place of learning again. Never look away is my new mantra. Am I still a warrior? Hell, yes. Warriors have battles in which they do not succeed as planned. They just go back to camp and create a new plan of attack!. Do I feel like I went backwards? No, but I do feel like I was well on my way.

The honeymoon is over. Now the real work begins....A warrior's work is never done.


Susy on 7:55 AM said...

Bravo! Bravo for saying it out loud Barb! I believe we looked away for years and it may come easy to us. I'm scared as hell and I'm so glad you talked about it rather than looking away. We can't look away anymore, like you said 11 pounds could turn into 50. I'm not going back but scared as hell my old ways will win again! I understand! Hold on to what it felt like before the weight loss and never look away. I so wish I was closer to you and we could support, share, encourage and work together. We could both use postive supprot and I wish we could be closer. So... since we are so far apart I will ask you from time time how the workouts are going if you don't mind. I myself have not been swimming in a month now. Please for me you can do the same!

I love you girl! And BTW I loved the saying you wrote: warriors have battles in which they do not succeed as planned. They just go back to camp and create a new plan of attack! A warrior's work is never done.