I WILL NOT FORGET!

I vow that I will NOT FORGET what it felt like to be a morbidly obese woman. I don't want to forget. I think denial and "forgetting" are the first step in returning to that place. And I don't want to go back to that place! (I paid my dues there! I bought property there! I am done!)

I will remember:

How it felt to be ashamed of going out and interacting with new people, even friends.

How uncomfortable emotionally and physically it was to travel anywhere.

How I broke a plastic chair at an outside restaurant. I was sitting in it, and out of the blue, I hit the ground! (How different that might have felt if I was a size 6 instead of 26.)

How swollen my ankles were all the time.

How I had to pop Advil every day.

How walking to the car in a parking lot, winded me.

How I NEVER looked in a mirror. I would put on my makeup without ever really LOOKING at myself.

How I seemed to always be the largest woman in the room.
(How nice it is not to even think about that!)

How "I CAN'T" was a part of my everyday vocabulary.

How I relied on others for big things and small things. (ie: my husband tying my shoe laces because I could not cross my legs or bend past my belly.)

There are many other examples. I will get into them more again later, I am sure.

I just wanted to "put it out there" that I am going to stay CONSCIOUS and aware and remember the struggle.